Crime Family Cheat Sheet

Curious about my multi-generational crime family, now in its third generation? Here’s a quick guide to the characters & goals of each generation so far!

First generation:

Rosita Hernandez started out as a government agent in Brindleton Bay, running low-level intelligence operations and living in a tiny little trailer.  She always had a taste for the high life, and a little bit of cash from treasonous information-selling was too much to resist.  When the choice of good v. villain arose, she didn’t hesitate in choosing the villainous path.

She assembled a crew:  hacker Chastity Belt, intern Todd McGoodbody, and scientist Dr. Claude Fairweather.  “Assembled” is a strong word re: Claude, since she initially kidnapped him in an effort to create a robot army.  Operation Robot Army failed, but Claude’s sudden feelings for Rosita made him a sadly temporary member of the crew in truth.

Their time together was brief and torrid, and ended up with Rosita catching Claude in her money vault, showering in HER hard-earned cash.  Back to kidnapped status he went, though by then, she was already pregnant with their child.

Eventually, Rosita rose through the ranks to Supreme Villain status.  She was known for her beauty, fitness, ruthlessness, and total thing for freeze rays.  Claude was freed in his later years to bond with his son and hang out with his good friend Todd Mc Goodbody.  When he passed away, Rosita replaced Claude with alien scientist Kurt Erious as the new “sciency” member of the team.

This whole generation is deceased, though the ghosts are very much active.

Second Generation:

Todd Jr. didn’t exactly have a stable childhood, what with his neglectful mom building robot armies and his scientist dad mostly kept in a locked room in the basement.  He wasn’t even named after his dad — Intern Todd ended up doing the bulk of childcare, so Todd Jr. he became.

Perhaps inevitably, Todd turned quickly to a life of crime.  His young adult years were spent both loathing his mom and craving her approval, while building a huge art scam crew (we call the crew club “Art Appreciation”) and spreading his DNA far and wide.  Todd has eleven children by four women, including two sets of twins with his wife Valerie.

Valerie and Todd’s marriage was arranged, given that they both came from prominent villain families.  Whatever positive feelings might have arisen between them were dashed by Todd’s constant infidelities, and now that the oldest twins are off to college, Todd and Valerie’s relationship is icy at best.  Valerie is romantically involved with the family’s long-time butler Pansy, while Todd has *publicly* cleaned up his act, given that he’s switched from mob crime to a life of politics.

Now that we’ve moved on (mostly) to the next generation, the three main adults raise a bunch of kids while seething in low-level dissatisfaction.  Fun!

Third Generation:

The oldest kids in Todd’s very large child pool are Claude Jr. and Claudette, his oldest twins with wife Valerie.  Claude Jr. and Claudette are the undisputed heirs of the family (not that Todd seems at ALL ready to give his daughter the reins).  To make sure the twins are prepared, their parents sent them to Foxbury U.

Claudette is cunning, bright, ruthless, a kleptomaniac with massive ambition.  She’s getting her distinguished degree in Villainy, of course — and when she’s done, it’ll be time for her dad to GO.  Claude is more physical, a hot-headed lunk who loves partying, soccer, and fighting.  Both of them have an A average, which is *inexplicable* given all the cheating.

We play Crime College on my Twitch channel every Monday morning from 9-11AM Pacific time.  Come join us!

Two Factions, One Town

The Count in his hilltop mansion leads the vampires of Forgotten Hollow. So I am told every time I meet another of my kind, whether casually or otherwise, and I can only infer that my sire and I offer the Count some great disrespect by not presenting ourselves for his approval. Ordinarily, a vampire would do so when settling in a new nexus. It’s only polite.

However. Apuleius is not a vampire who bends the knee, and he cares little after all the long centuries for niceties. When the Count meets my sire, he will understand. Apuleius has seen the legions of Rome, the arrival of the barbarians, the rise and fall of knowledge, the darkness of plague, the shining glory when art and industry became once again important in the mortal world. I spent the first decade of my new life sitting at his feet and hearing his tales.

Our exile from our last nexus was…unfortunate. I am sorry, truly. But Apuleius seeks to be a father of many, and so we have come to a place where our kind is able to live freely. Yes, others were here before us. We plan no disruption of their ways, only the chance to live as we have chosen.

The girl has given herself to our side, not theirs. Will that be the feather on the scale that tips all of us into bloodshed? Perhaps. I am not concerned. Apuleius protects us. Who is this Count to think himself worthy of our time?

Patrice at 50

In “Rags to Riches with Patrice/the Carvers,” Patrice Carver is a nearly-senior owner of a flower shop and plant nursery. She’s a mother of one (the adorable Eddie), and she has *never* been lucky in love. She’s spent most of her life yearning after her (now married) best friend Akira, to the extent that her only intimate relationship has been with Diego, Eddie’s father.

Diego Lobo and Patrice Carver, who just can’t quite make it work.

Diego’s a slightly older art critic who left San Myshuno in middle age to come live with Patrice and Eddie in Oasis Springs. In doing so, he sold his huge city apartment and committed fully to his son and his ex, even renovating their house and buying Patrice her flower shop.

It hasn’t been easy, learning how to depend on someone.

Dear Mom,

Wheels just keep spinning around, don’t they? Did you and Dad ever feel like things were slipping away and then somehow coming around again? I’ve given these men too many years of my life, but here come the little hopes, the tiny little hopes that never survive reality.

He’s just more humble these days. I can surprise him. He’s gentler. He’s not kind. I don’t think he’ll ever be kind. But he loves Eddie and he walked away from a date the other night to come talk to me. To be surprised by me.

I don’t know. I’ve got too much to do for all this nonsense. But wheels just keep spinning, that’s all. I probably shouldn’t trust one more time.


Lucy and the Vampires

I’m loving my current Let’s Play, “Rags to Riches with Patrice,” but two other concepts have been rolling around in my thoughts since I returned to the Sims. I even recorded one episode of Lucy’s adventures, but I had no idea what I was doing and it didn’t work out, so…I’m retconning!

I’ve been preparing “sets” and characters, and for fun and my own memory, I’ll show the planned characters here! All of these are in addition to the game’s NPCs and a few vampires that friends “lent” me through their galleries to give the world some texture.

Lucy Cabrillo: Our Heroine

Lucy’s had dreams her whole life — dark, recurring dreams that foretell frightening paths. She’s also too smart for her own good.

Her family: Hector, Louisa, and Ian Cabrillo

Hector’s a minor league athlete, Louisa’s a renowned artist, and Ian a kid who wants to be a baseball player just like his dad. Louisa is very much in charge.

Her immediate neighbors now that she’s moved out of the house: Apuleius Numidius and Penelope Masters

An ancient tactician and scholar, as well as a bemused observer of mortal foibles.
A Regency socialite clinging to the last vestiges of her former vivacity.

The strange artist across the square: Philippe L.

Beautiful, vain, troublesome, and ambitious.