Crime Family Cheat Sheet

Curious about my multi-generational crime family, now in its third generation? Here’s a quick guide to the characters & goals of each generation so far!

First generation:

Rosita Hernandez started out as a government agent in Brindleton Bay, running low-level intelligence operations and living in a tiny little trailer.  She always had a taste for the high life, and a little bit of cash from treasonous information-selling was too much to resist.  When the choice of good v. villain arose, she didn’t hesitate in choosing the villainous path.

She assembled a crew:  hacker Chastity Belt, intern Todd McGoodbody, and scientist Dr. Claude Fairweather.  “Assembled” is a strong word re: Claude, since she initially kidnapped him in an effort to create a robot army.  Operation Robot Army failed, but Claude’s sudden feelings for Rosita made him a sadly temporary member of the crew in truth.

Their time together was brief and torrid, and ended up with Rosita catching Claude in her money vault, showering in HER hard-earned cash.  Back to kidnapped status he went, though by then, she was already pregnant with their child.

Eventually, Rosita rose through the ranks to Supreme Villain status.  She was known for her beauty, fitness, ruthlessness, and total thing for freeze rays.  Claude was freed in his later years to bond with his son and hang out with his good friend Todd Mc Goodbody.  When he passed away, Rosita replaced Claude with alien scientist Kurt Erious as the new “sciency” member of the team.

This whole generation is deceased, though the ghosts are very much active.

Second Generation:

Todd Jr. didn’t exactly have a stable childhood, what with his neglectful mom building robot armies and his scientist dad mostly kept in a locked room in the basement.  He wasn’t even named after his dad — Intern Todd ended up doing the bulk of childcare, so Todd Jr. he became.

Perhaps inevitably, Todd turned quickly to a life of crime.  His young adult years were spent both loathing his mom and craving her approval, while building a huge art scam crew (we call the crew club “Art Appreciation”) and spreading his DNA far and wide.  Todd has eleven children by four women, including two sets of twins with his wife Valerie.

Valerie and Todd’s marriage was arranged, given that they both came from prominent villain families.  Whatever positive feelings might have arisen between them were dashed by Todd’s constant infidelities, and now that the oldest twins are off to college, Todd and Valerie’s relationship is icy at best.  Valerie is romantically involved with the family’s long-time butler Pansy, while Todd has *publicly* cleaned up his act, given that he’s switched from mob crime to a life of politics.

Now that we’ve moved on (mostly) to the next generation, the three main adults raise a bunch of kids while seething in low-level dissatisfaction.  Fun!

Third Generation:

The oldest kids in Todd’s very large child pool are Claude Jr. and Claudette, his oldest twins with wife Valerie.  Claude Jr. and Claudette are the undisputed heirs of the family (not that Todd seems at ALL ready to give his daughter the reins).  To make sure the twins are prepared, their parents sent them to Foxbury U.

Claudette is cunning, bright, ruthless, a kleptomaniac with massive ambition.  She’s getting her distinguished degree in Villainy, of course — and when she’s done, it’ll be time for her dad to GO.  Claude is more physical, a hot-headed lunk who loves partying, soccer, and fighting.  Both of them have an A average, which is *inexplicable* given all the cheating.

We play Crime College on my Twitch channel every Monday morning from 9-11AM Pacific time.  Come join us!


Trisha Bernstein skipped her high school graduation (which was iffy anyway) to attend a music festival in Sulani. She hitched a ride on a cargo ship, spent two weeks sleeping on the beach…and when the time came to leave the islands, she realized she had neither the money nor the will to do so.

Her little shack is blue, drafty, and right on the beach. For money, she picked up a night shift at a shrimp shack for tourists. Things were going just fine until a super buff Glimmerbrook guy in town for the weekend showed her a good time, and long story short, her new baby Miranda keeps her awake way too often. At least daycare’s free.

Creating a Challenge

I’m working on a Sims 4 challenge based around the Seven Deadly Sins. Here’s the first draft. Thoughts?

The Seven Deadly Sins Challenge takes your Sims through the worst traits, careers, and aspirations Sim-kind has to offer. In seven generations, experience sloth, pride, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and finally greed.

In each generation, try to embody the Sin as much as possible, and if you think of extra details to make your Sim’s journey more sinful, go for it!  Take your time, enjoy it.  Lean in to sin!  And because I’m a builder, every generation includes a building task to embody the particular sin.

No career. No degree. No spouse. Your Sim has to make and raise an heir, which means their child has to eventually join their household. But how it happens? Meh. The Sim doesn’t care much.

Aspiration:  Any.  They just won’t care.  If you have Island Living, “Beach Life” is a great option.
Starting Traits have to include: Lazy, Slob
Suggested Career: Huh? Odd Jobs. Occasionally.
Additional challenges:  Place your new Sim in a lot, bulldoze the lot, and use the Money cheat to set their wealth to 5k simoleons.  Build them an under-5k house for their lazy slob life.

Maybe it’s because their parent was such a lump of nothing, but this generation wants to SPARKLE. Think celebrity, having their name in lights, being known by everyone! It’s all about fame and influence.  Their heir is an accessory, just like a gorgeous handbag or a great pair of shoes.

Aspiration: World-Famous Celebrity
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Self-Absorbed and Self-Assured
Suggested Careers: Acting, Entertainer, Style Influencer, Social Media
Additional challenges:  Orchid-A-Go-Go?  Orchid-A-No-No.  Make them a lounge worthy of their fame.

With all the resources passed down by their famous parent, this generation wants to have FUN. They never settle down, they enjoy the thrill of cheating and they break hearts with glee.

Aspiration: Serial Romantic
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Romantic and Noncommittal
Suggested Careers: Any freelance career
Additional challenges: Build the perfect boudoir for your Sim, and let it inspire your Sim to have children with more than one partner.

Whatever someone else has, this generation wants. They’ll lie, cheat, steal, dig, and plunder tombs to acquire important objects, just so no one else can have them. They’re special, and they show it through their possessions.

Aspiration: Curator
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Kleptomaniac and Jealous
Suggested Careers: Any. Work through as much of the Jungle Adventure tombs as possible.
Additional challenges: Steal at least $50k simoleons of STUFF over the Sim’s lifetime.  Build a room or museum where you show off your ill-gotten gains!

The previous generations’s collecting wasn’t enough. This generation is all about excess. They do whatever they want, as long as it’s WAY too much.

Aspiration: Master Chef
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Glutton and Foodie
Suggested Career: Culinary (Chef Branch)
Additional challenges: Build them an over-the-top restaurant that embodies the spirit of “gluttony.”

This generation isn’t content to just consume — it wants to CONQUER. This generation takes what it wants through violence, scheming, and other nefarious activities, and if everyone hates them, that’s just fine. Wrath doesn’t want any friends.

Aspiration: Public Enemy
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Mean and Hot-Headed
Suggested Career: Criminal (Boss Branch)
Additional challenges: Make a hideout for your criminal and their crew.

This generation takes materialism to an extreme. While nearly every sin contains some aspect of greed, it’s time to spend your last generation securing your Sim’s financial and material legacy.  Build a fortune and a mansion so amazing that the family will be remembered forever.

Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy OR Mansion Baron
Traits at aging into Young Adult should include Snob and Ambitious
Suggested Careers: Business (either branch), Politician (Politician Branch), Tech Guru (either branch)
Additional challenge: Build a mansion worth at least $250k simoleons.

Two Factions, One Town

The Count in his hilltop mansion leads the vampires of Forgotten Hollow. So I am told every time I meet another of my kind, whether casually or otherwise, and I can only infer that my sire and I offer the Count some great disrespect by not presenting ourselves for his approval. Ordinarily, a vampire would do so when settling in a new nexus. It’s only polite.

However. Apuleius is not a vampire who bends the knee, and he cares little after all the long centuries for niceties. When the Count meets my sire, he will understand. Apuleius has seen the legions of Rome, the arrival of the barbarians, the rise and fall of knowledge, the darkness of plague, the shining glory when art and industry became once again important in the mortal world. I spent the first decade of my new life sitting at his feet and hearing his tales.

Our exile from our last nexus was…unfortunate. I am sorry, truly. But Apuleius seeks to be a father of many, and so we have come to a place where our kind is able to live freely. Yes, others were here before us. We plan no disruption of their ways, only the chance to live as we have chosen.

The girl has given herself to our side, not theirs. Will that be the feather on the scale that tips all of us into bloodshed? Perhaps. I am not concerned. Apuleius protects us. Who is this Count to think himself worthy of our time?

Patrice at 50

In “Rags to Riches with Patrice/the Carvers,” Patrice Carver is a nearly-senior owner of a flower shop and plant nursery. She’s a mother of one (the adorable Eddie), and she has *never* been lucky in love. She’s spent most of her life yearning after her (now married) best friend Akira, to the extent that her only intimate relationship has been with Diego, Eddie’s father.

Diego Lobo and Patrice Carver, who just can’t quite make it work.

Diego’s a slightly older art critic who left San Myshuno in middle age to come live with Patrice and Eddie in Oasis Springs. In doing so, he sold his huge city apartment and committed fully to his son and his ex, even renovating their house and buying Patrice her flower shop.

It hasn’t been easy, learning how to depend on someone.

Dear Mom,

Wheels just keep spinning around, don’t they? Did you and Dad ever feel like things were slipping away and then somehow coming around again? I’ve given these men too many years of my life, but here come the little hopes, the tiny little hopes that never survive reality.

He’s just more humble these days. I can surprise him. He’s gentler. He’s not kind. I don’t think he’ll ever be kind. But he loves Eddie and he walked away from a date the other night to come talk to me. To be surprised by me.

I don’t know. I’ve got too much to do for all this nonsense. But wheels just keep spinning, that’s all. I probably shouldn’t trust one more time.


Lucy and the Vampires

I’m loving my current Let’s Play, “Rags to Riches with Patrice,” but two other concepts have been rolling around in my thoughts since I returned to the Sims. I even recorded one episode of Lucy’s adventures, but I had no idea what I was doing and it didn’t work out, so…I’m retconning!

I’ve been preparing “sets” and characters, and for fun and my own memory, I’ll show the planned characters here! All of these are in addition to the game’s NPCs and a few vampires that friends “lent” me through their galleries to give the world some texture.

Lucy Cabrillo: Our Heroine

Lucy’s had dreams her whole life — dark, recurring dreams that foretell frightening paths. She’s also too smart for her own good.

Her family: Hector, Louisa, and Ian Cabrillo

Hector’s a minor league athlete, Louisa’s a renowned artist, and Ian a kid who wants to be a baseball player just like his dad. Louisa is very much in charge.

Her immediate neighbors now that she’s moved out of the house: Apuleius Numidius and Penelope Masters

An ancient tactician and scholar, as well as a bemused observer of mortal foibles.
A Regency socialite clinging to the last vestiges of her former vivacity.

The strange artist across the square: Philippe L.

Beautiful, vain, troublesome, and ambitious.

A modern home for Retro sims

Retro sims is a fantastic builder, a Twitch streamer and a YouTube creator, and now a subscriber to my Twitch channel. When he was gifted a subscription and I asked him what he wanted me to build, his only request was a modern house — so I took that and ran with it!

Retro sims’ builds are often light and airy, with soft wood tones and a beachy vibe, and so I made this modern build less starkly white and cold than I often do (it’s an aesthetic I’d never want to live in, but I love to build). A Selvadoradan vibe exists throughout, including the pool tile and the kitchen furnishings.

The roof deck (I love roof decks) is the standout feature, with its hot tub and outdoor kitchen and view of Oasis Springs’ commercial strip. The dinosaur, that does not come with the build. 😉

I’m glad he liked the build, which can be found on the Gallery as “Elevated Modern,” ID michele_blue. These subscriber builds are close to my heart. Thank you, Retro!

Starting Over

Available on the Sims 4 Gallery, item name “The Cross House,” ID michele_blue

Everything happens so quickly. Dreams and crushes turn into dates and disappointments. Eventually you pick someone. He picks you. He makes you laugh just often enough, and your heart flutters at how his grin tilts higher on one side than the other. It’s easier to be together than apart, at least most of the time. The bed feels empty without him. The room is too quiet when he’s gone.

You commit. You dig deep. Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s the bedrock beneath your life. Just when you decide to move to the city, to apprentice in a restaurant kitchen, to just do it, his mother passes and leaves you her house. Her suburban, yellow, traditional, uninspiring, anchor of a house.

Of course you accept it. And of course you move in, because it’s too hard to tell your husband that it isn’t the house you dislike, it’s the weight of it, the tangible forever he seems far too happy to embrace. Your first — and only — children are twins. Where better to raise them than where your husband was raised?

Memories blur. Trick-or-treating and Winterfest decorations fade into pool visits and school plays and parades. You take annual Granite Falls vacations, and every time the taxi pulls up to the house, you’re confused for a moment: is this you? Is this where you’ve decided to be?

Your daughter gets caught shoplifting. Your son won’t tell you why he’s picked on at school, though you’re fairly sure you know. You don’t talk about it, because the Cross family doesn’t really talk, you just move forward, step by step, year by year. Time passes. You watch too much TV and use the treadmill as a clothes hanger.

Your kids leave home as soon as the ink on their diplomas dries. When they drive toward San Myshuno in a car filled with moving boxes, you wave longer than they do. Your husband waits a month more than necessary to tell you he’s met someone; it’s not like you didn’t know. She’s a painter, like your husband. He’ll move her into the yellow house — it’s his childhood home, after all.

You don’t ask your children to hate their father; you’re not like that. You don’t hate him either. You know full well that the anchor, the weight, was clamped to his ankles as inescapably as it was to yours. Your discussions are rational and calm. You just want it all to be done.

You don’t pack much, though your husband offers you anything you want. His guilt leads to a decent settlement, a quick resolution. You let his next wife deal with the curios and memories and dusty ceramic chickens. You just get out and move on.

A Gothic Home for misunderstoodmami

When I approached misunderstoodmami (youtube here) about her reward build for subscribing to my Twitch channel, she requested a Gothic house, perhaps suitable for a future Let’s Play. Two adults, one child, one teen.

For inspiration, I chose a remarkable Victorian Gothic home in Holly Village, Highgate, North London, part of the first gated community in England. This little community has a fascinating history and a TON of inspiration for Simmers — see here for more details and photos.

My chosen inspiration – isn’t it gorgeous?

Of course, the Sims has a lot of limitations when it comes to aping historic architecture. I made the changes necessary to match pathing, staircases, and windows, and came up with this:

“Remodeled Gothic,” Gallery ID michele_blue

I decorated the interior in a brighter, more modern style than I usually choose for Victorian builds, but one of my favorite aspects of historic homes is that they aren’t static, frozen in time. They still *work* for modern use, modern furniture, and modern families.

The master bedroom on the house’s second floor

Finally, misunderstoodmami requested a creepy backstory with this build. So, as requested:

The Turners came to Holly Cottage with the best of intentions. They spruced up the old “cottage,” remodeled it for modern family tastes, and welcomed neighbors into the newly furnished, colorful interior. Only a month later, with the mail piling up and the Turner child truant at school, Windenberg constables visited the house only to find no trace of its human inhabitants – though no clothes were gone from their closets and a half-eaten meal sat, moldy and rotten, on the grand dining table.

The Turners haven’t been seen since.

The house is open again, for sale as-is. Will your Sims dare to become the new owners of Holly Cottage?

(and thank you misunderstoodmami for your Twitch subscription!)

That Bella Dame (part 1)

You don’t expect your life to change when you get up in the morning. You clean what neeeds cleaning, you shave, you dress, you leave behind your sad, dingy one-room apartment and walk through a drizzly grey morning to your sad, dingy office. You? Me. Call me Morty.

Willow Creek wasn’t a fancy town, not anymore. It had fancy parts, but a mook like me didn’t have much cause to be there. Instead, I worked in a three-story walk-up with a barber shop on the first floor and a bookie on the second. My window looked out over shipping containers and cranes, and Nina — my old secretary Nina — always complained about the smell.

Not that Nina was complaining anymore. Last week, she ran off with a piano player from San Myshuno. She left a napkin with “sorry,” scribbled on it, which I figured I deserved. Now, alone, I opened the top-most drawer of her little desk on a whim. A few lipsticks rattled around, shades she never wore. A few strands of flame-red hair remained wrapped around a tortoise-shell comb under some papers. I touched the hair, and for a moment, I even missed her.

She’d been right to go, though it stung. She’d asked, “You and me, are we ever gonna make it official?” Nina wasn’t shy, which is one of the reasons I’d hired her in the first place. A straight-shooter, easy to look at, easy to like. I hope the piano player treated her good. Better than I did, at least.

I sagged into my chair after flicking my hat onto its hook. It hung on the tip for one precarious second before flopping to the floor. Figured. The files scattered on my desk held nothing but sad stories: bad marriages, bad investments, bad choices. Don’t be a private investigator if you want to see the good side of people. Lucky me, I’d never believed in people in the first place.

I tossed back a couple of shots of juice before rolling up my sleeves and getting to work. One inheritance case was particularly thorny — greedy second wife, greedy first wife, greedy kids, greedy lawyer — and I was deep into it when a gentle knock sounded on the office door.

“Get that, sweetheart? It’s what I pay you for.” I snapped the words before remembering that Nina was snuggled off in the city somewhere, happy and well rid of me. I sighed and barked, “Come in,” though the last thing I wanted to do today was coddle a new client.

A woman’s words cut through the fog in my brain like a searchlight. She had a voice made of money, the kind that only comes from fancy finishing schools and good breeding. I jerked my head up and saw a lady all in red, black-haired and pale-skinned, with vivid eyes and curves like a mountain road. “You’re Mr. Goth? I’m …call me Bella.”

Bellissima, at least, the most bellissima I’d ever seen. I snapped my gaping mouth shut and stood. “Morty Goth, that’s right. Morty. Call me Morty.” She waited patiently through my stammering, as a woman who looked like her probably had to do all day long. When she sat, I sat. When she spoke again, I listened.

“I’m sorry to intrude like this without phoning ahead. But I have a problem.” I usually would have made some sort of twirl with my hand, a ‘keep talking’ gesture, but not for this lady. To her I said, “Yeah?” dopey as they get. My hand itched to stash the bottle of juice on my desk out of sight. That, or drink it down.

“There’s a man.” She sighed. Her hands clasped together in her lap. No rings. “He and I used to keep company once upon a time. But we parted ways, or at least I did. He didn’t seem to get the message.” She gazed just past me to the rain-streaked window and its wan light. “Now I see him everywhere. I’m afraid.”

“He just shows up?” I didn’t say what I was thinking, that it’d be a hard message to take, a dame like this saying goodbye. “What does he do?”

Her perfect nose scrunched briefly as she answered. “He begs. And then he gets angry. And then he tells me I’ll be sorry.” She looked me in the eye. “I believe him, Mr. Goth. He’s …reckless.” A faint hint of red tinged her pale cheeks. “I suppose that’s what I liked in the first place.”

Noted. “He ever raise a hand to you?”

“No, not once,” she said immediately. “But…if he does, someday soon, I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s very angry.”

“And you want, what? I can tell him to back off for you, if you want. In a way he’ll hear.” I wasn’t a huge man, but I’d been in this job for a good many years, and in the army as an angry young man. I knew my way around a punch. “I can probably dig up some dirt on him that’ll make him want to leave town.”

Her big blue eyes opened a fraction more widely. “You’re that certain he has something to hide?”

“He’s human, isn’t he?” My itching hand made its choice, reaching for the bottle of juice. “How about it, Miss Bella? You want me to make him go away?” Her gaze tracked my movements as I put the bottle back into a drawer.

“I would,” she said. “Make him go away, Morty. Really go away. And I’ll be ever so grateful if you do.”

(To be continued!)